Why is it difficult for a man to express his feelings/emotions?

From a very young age guys are taught to be  strong. They are taught that they can't be weak. If a 6-7 year old guy says "I'm scared of this darkness". What do we say? "Hey, you're a man, how can you be scared of this darkness? You are a tough guy, so you can fight this darkness."  We give them responsibility at a very young age,  responsibility of taking care of their family, responsibility of being strong and powerful. If a guy age 5-6 or maybe younger has a younger sister age 2-3 year old. We tell them "my dear you have to take care of your sister". Though deep down, we all know that he is way too young, but still we keep on feeding such things inside those little growing brains. This is the responsibility I was talking about, the responsibility which we are giving them, without realising the impact of it on them.

Have you ever seen your father, your uncle, your male friend crying? Or any male in general crying? I would say rarely. Why? Because our society taught them "man don't cry" and crying will make you weak. They have been taught the wrong meaning of masculinity. They were asked not to cry it will make you weak, be strong, be a fighter, not to express. Though we think a few drops of tears is fine, but when a guy cries pouring their heart out, we say "kaisi ladkiyon ki tarah ro Raha hai" (see you are crying like a girl). This line hurt their masculinity.

No one ever asked them anything related to them and their feelings. Everyone believes that man has to be physically strong, this make them manly and shows their masculinity. So now they have no idea about how to express themselves. How to say what's going on deep inside their head? Sometimes they don't know their true feelings. They find something is weird with them. But they don't really know what it is.

Even if they know about their emotions, or feeling they fear sharing it with anyone. Simply there could be 2 reasons, in my opinion;

1) They don't know how to put this in words -
As they have never said or talked about their feelings with someone they have no idea of how to say this now. They feel what to say and what not to say. How to say and how not to. Will it be fine if I say so. How should I start.

2) They don't believe anyone - they don't believe you and the fact that you can understand them. They don't believe that you will still respect them the same way as you respected them before. They don't believe that you won't judge them

We live in "patriarchal society". Accounting to Wikipedia "Patriarchy" is a social system in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. Here I'm not talking how man are predominant but we as a society whole taught them this, and now they think that this is how they really have to be. Patriarchal society leads to toxic masculinity. From a very young age, we heard that guy must have a job they must earn money, where as if female don't earn then 'it's okay, it's fine". If a man doesn't earn money and be a houseman we think it's so weird, and too wrong. Whereas if a woman is housewife then, "it's okay, it's her choice".  Now let me give you another example, if both husband and wife are working, but wife earns more than husband then it's wrong.

These things are going on for a very long time. It's passing from generation to generation, without the realisation of toxicity. So it won't change in seconds. It will take years or maybe decades for the change in society, but only if we bring change by updating our mentality. And this change may come when we say, "hey, it's okay if he don't earn money, it's his choice".

Everyone of us has heard about physical violence/domestic violence. But we don't really know the deep root of it. You know, guys as being human also has feelings and emotions. But as they don't say that loud, they keep it inside them. All those frustration, anxiety, and all other forms of negativity which they get from this society, they keep these things within themselves. They don't really know how to say, whom to say and what to say. But whatever is inside you will definitely come out. So they take it out in the form of physical violence, when they do so, they feel superior. While the society is making them feel inferior, they feel superior inside their house.

Okay, now imagine if you saw a male sitting alone and crying (it could be your relative, or a complete Stranger) what will you do? Now as I asked you to imagine, you will definitely image yourself to be super hero trying to help this poor guy. Right?? In reality, "wrong" because just now you called him "a poor guy" even you think him to be weak. So in this case you can never help him. Because is a guy or anyone who is crying doesn't necessarily need your or anyone's help. Maybe all they need is someone to hear them out. Or maybe someone to hug or someone who could sit next to them without being judgement.

We all have this bad habit. Without listening to someone, we want to calm them. When someone is pouring their heart out. What do we say? "Hey buddy don't cry be strong, shit happens" or "chill" or "it's okay, don't exaggerate". Instead, why don't we be a good listener and listen to them. Sometimes being quite is way better than speaking shit. Even if we can't understand at least we can listen. If they want to cry, then let them. And if you don't know what to do in this situation while they cry, you can hug them. Tell them "it's okay, I understand you" even if you can't understand. Tell them "I'm there for you".

Hope you like it and I'm sure will be the change in society 😉.

Share your thoughts and opinions with me✌️.